Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Husband Getting Revenge? - Ask A Housewife!

On this week's submission of Ask A Housewife!, we have a married woman who had a previous affair; who is now worried that her husband may be doing the same.

(Please note that questions posted are not edited in any way. Questions are copied verbatim as they were asked.)

"I had an affair 3 years ago. My husband found out, but I never admitted it. We never got counseling. I fell back in love with him and I have been faithful since.
APpx 3 wks ago, he went on a trip and came back and told me it was over.
I admitted to him that I did have the affair, but I told him I loved him.
He has changed the way he wears his hair, trims his under arms, and has stayed out all night 2 Saturdays in a row and will not answer phone nor text.
Part of me feels like he is paying me back but my gut tells me that he is cheating. And he lies when he tells me where he is going.
Is it wrong for me to feel this way after what I did.
I screwed up bad and I have such remorse, but he acts like he hates me.
Also, he carries his phone everywhere and erases everything. Tonight, I think he blocked my calls because his account shows no trace of my calls nor from my son's phone.
I am so heartbroken!"

Dear (name removed),

I feel for you, and I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation.

From your description, it does sound as though your husband may be having an affair.
When your husband came back from his trip and told you that your marriage was over, did you both talk and decide to try and work it out?
It is not wrong for you to feel the way you do. Even though you had an affair in the past, you still have a right to be hurt as well. And I can imagine that you now know just how much your affair affected your husband because you now know what he went through as well and are able to be sympathetic.
Even though you may not want to, it is best to hit this head on and confront your husband.
Since you do know what it is like, I would go at it in a loving way if you wish to continue your marriage.
Plan a time where the two of you are alone at home without any distractions and openly talk with each other about EVERYTHING that has happened.
Open and honest communication is the only way that you both will be able to overcome this.
After you talk and if the decision is made to work on the marriage, I would suggest getting counseling.
There are many options for marriage counseling and some that are quite low cost.
I wish your marriage the best of luck!

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1 comment:

  1. The fact that the husband has said that the marriage is over, and only then did she tell him that she had the affair, would lead me to believe that the marriage is over. The foundation of trust seems to have been destroyed.

    Find a good divorce attorney and try to keep things as amicable as can be. There is a kid involved which makes it sadder.


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