Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Knowing Harvey

I've found out throughout my life that sometimes you really don't know the people that you are close to.
One case as an example was a childhood friend that turned boyfriend, Harvey.
As I look back now, I can see things that led him to his true path in life and his self discovery, but I nor he realized it back then.

You see, I am not a 'typical' girl. I do not go goo-goo over all the girly things in life. My favorite color is not pink or purple, but green.. and growing up I found boys more easy to make friends of than girls.
Now don't get me wrong, I do enjoy being a woman but I am not afraid to get dirty, but neither am I the high maintenance type. I classify myself as being somewhere in the middle.

Barbie or G.I Joe ... A girl shouldn't have to choose!

Harvey and I met when I moved across the street from him during our 7th grade year.
We quickly became friends and spent most of our time together. We spent hours upon hours jumping on their trampoline, walking around the neighborhood, riding bikes, and even entering into bmx competitions, along with his two brothers.
We were the best of friends and were inseparable! Just like Forest and Jenny.. we were like peas and carrots.
My mom and myself lived there for about a year and to be closer to her work, we had to move.

A few years later, we moved back to that same house and Harvey and I picked up where we left off.. best friends... peas and carrots.

I was dating a guy at the time and he wasn't too fond of Harvey and the time that I spent with him. I imagine that he was jealous, and I wasn't happy being in that situation.
Soon after all of that came to light, we broke up.
Harvey and I started spending most of our time together again. Learning how to drive together, playing video games, spending hours roaming the mall and just having a great time.

Our friendship blossomed into more and we began dating.
We were dating for a few months and we moved further into a sexual relationship.
The next month, I realized that my monthly visitor was late and I was petrified! Harvey and I made the long embarrassing trek to the drug store to purchase a pregnancy test, just one month before our 16th birthdays.
I took the test and we both waited impatiently in complete silence for what seemed like an eternity.
Much to the amazement of my teenage mentality of "It couldn't possibly happen to me!", it did.
I was 15 and pregnant!! I was horrified!
Harvey on the other hand, was quite happy about the whole ordeal and quickly ran to his parents to tell them all about it. Within a day, he already had a running list of names for a baby and was even throwing the idea of marriage up into the air.
I was already 15 and pregnant, and I was not about to become 15.. pregnant... AND married!!!

After much deliberation, Harvey and I decided I decided to end the relationship as it was getting way too serious, way too fast.
Harvey and I still remained friends and hung out quite often, but our romantic relationship was no longer.
I began bleeding pretty heavily and since I was so afraid to say anything to my mom about being pregnant, I suffered in silence for quite a long time.
A few weeks of bleeding and on my 16th birthday, I was doubled over in so much pain, that I could not take it any longer.
I only told my mom that I needed to go to the hospital and not the reason why.
Soon after being seen by the doctor, he exposed my secret to my mother.
I was in so much pain because I was and had been having a miscarriage for the last month and was hemorrhaging badly. I had to be rushed into emergency surgery.
My mother was horrified, but surprisingly, she was very supportive and focused on my health for the moment.
She even yelled at the doctor who had made a remark about me not needing pain medication because I shouldn't be in that position in the first place!

While in the hospital recovering the next day, I had called Harvey's parents to tell them of the news since they had known. His mother decided to wait and tell him until the next day. The next day was his 16th birthday, and she felt it appropriate to tell him on his birthday since I found out on mine and went through it all.

After that day, we didn't speak much to each other and grew apart for some years.
I moved away and married a few years later, but missed my best friend.
My marriage didn't last, and needing the comfort of a friend, I searched for him and was glad to know he was still living in the same house.
We started hanging out on occasion and one night he, myself and a few other friends went out to a club and had a great time! We ended the night at an IHOP restaurant talking about all the fun we had had in our childhood.
I was really hoping to reignite our friendship and put all the past behind us, and it was looking good!
I tried contacting Harvey a few times after that, but he always seemed to be busy and not able to get together.

Years went by and although our relationship had gone through quite a bit, I still missed my friend.
MySpace became all the rage and I signed up and logged in just like every other fool. LOL!
Harvey's mother found me and friended me and I was really excited to be in contact with Harvey again.
I found him and sent him an email and then went through his MySpace page.

What I found plastered all over his page was a shock of sorts, but at the same time.. not so much.
What I found out, was that Harvey was gay.
My childhood best friend, the father of my first child (although unborn).. GAY.. WOW!

He had pictures of his partner, who he refers to as his husband (gay marriage is still illegal in Texas) all over, and the love that is shown in the pictures is just awesome!

Although it was quite a shock to me, I was soooo happy for him that he has finally found his true self and his path in life. I just wish he would have shared that with me.
The time that we last went out, he knew he was gay but was afraid to say anything, and that was the reason that he was afraid to hang out anymore and why he ignored my calls.

We've been in contact since then, but haven't had the chance to get together yet. I am hopeful that we will get together soon and go over everything and his pathway to realization.

After looking back at the different things that happened and things we would do, I could hit myself sometimes for not seeing that before. I guess that's ok because he didn't realize it either.
It just goes to show you that even if you really think you know someone.. you really might not, and that's really sad that we all can't be more open with each other.

I am just glad that he is now open about who he is and is able to live his life freely and openly and has the support of his family and friends.. many can't say that.

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